Time Keeps on Ticking - Part II

Ok. Having gone through the essential elements of our fulfillment equation (time, passion and obligation) we can come up with hopefully, a few agreements in principal:



1) We don't have time to waste on "someday" if we want to create a fulfilling life. We have to start immediately.



2) Passions in your life would increase the quality of your life.



3) Obligations are obligations - they have to get done.





I feel like I have to keep speaking to people's internal critic on point #3 above. So I will do so again. Please know, that I am NOT ignoring that you have alot of things you feel you have to do. Just trust the process right now and ask yourself whether you agree with the principals I am setting forth. If you find yourself saying "Yea, sure more passion in my life would be wonderful but you don't understand how much I have to do - I have no time for passion!", then you are likely most in need of this work we are doing.



So here's the equation:



1) Slowly add passions into your life carving time out of obligation time to build momentum and belief that it can be done.



2) Repeat step 1 for the rest of your life.



I don't mean to be overly simplistic or condescending to anyone out there but I do want to stimulate your logic a bit. Take a look at the equation above. Does it make sense to you? Would you say it is accurate? O.K. maybe not simple to put into practice, but a true statement of the reality of things wouldn't you say?



So let's walk through our deceptively difficult equation.



Lest, I make any assumptions about your level of expertise in this area I will now define what I mean by "passions".



A "passion" is anything that fulfills your values and engages your emotions strongly.



This question begets another: "What is a value?"



Your "values" are those ideals which drive your authentic self. They are the ideas or concepts that make you vibrate. In short, values tell us how we should be spending our time in life. Let me interject a warning right now. The concept of "values" in our culture has been blurred with the word "morals". Please note that I am not using these terms interchangeably as I believe a person's values are a completely different concept all together. For example, in our culture we tend to morally look down our noses at "the rich" as "greedy or gluttonous" but you may indeed have a value that seeks "abundance" and "security" and these things are not necessarily antitheses of each other. Likewise, you may have a moral attitude of giving time to people who need your assistance while at the same time being very emotionaly healthy when you honor your value of "good health" by saying you have to go workout before you can come over a friend's house to help with a project.



Obviously, your morality is often closely linked to your values and I am sure there are scenarios where you morality is challenged by your values. In those cases your job is to decide what is most important TO YOU. Remember, I will guide you in these processes but the decision of who you want to be is always yours!

Two great ways to identify your values is to review "mountain top moments" and "valley experiences".

Mountain top moments - Think of the greatest moments in your life. Don't just think of what you would say if asked on national television. Answer this one alone to yourself. Don't say "the birth of my children" or "my wedding day" just because its the "right answer". It may actually be "the one night stand I had in college" or "the homerun I hit in the high school playoff game". Don't put judgments on this. We are looking for moments when you were truly alive and filled with life! Don't assume that the value you pull from a peak experience means you would necessarily do the experience again. In the "one night stand" example you may have values of "physical intimacy", "danger", "adventure" or "wildness" that can be honored in much more "moral" ways. The value we glean from the mountain top experience is much more important than the experience itself.

Valley Experiences - Think of a time where you were your most angry. Or Sad. What got you so angry? What did you feel you lost that had made you so sad? Anything that triggers strong emotions in you is likely to contain a hidden value. If you were angry at the guy who cut you off in traffic you may have a value for "civility" or "courtesy". If you were crushed when your team lost the superbowl you may have a value of "overcoming adversity" or "competitiveness".

If you have knots in your stomach when your bills arrive in the mail you may have a value of "security" or "abundance" that is not being honored by your current situation.

Use these high and low experiences to identify some of your strongest values. When you see the same ones showing up from various high and low experiences notice and identify the value. To the extent that you are honoring that value in your life, you are likely living well. To the extent that you are disregarding that value, you are likely frustrated, depressed, bored or angry in life.

There is no such thing as a lack of time. Only a lack of priorities." - Timothy Ferris

Time Keeps on Ticking - Part I

I am all about trying to get my clients to run toward their passions. Notice I said "run", not "walk" or "crawl". There's a really big reason for that. Time is a wastin'! For most mid-lifers one of the overwhelming senses you are having is how "fast" time is moving all of a sudden. You say things like "9/11 was a decade ago?" "The kids are going back to school already?" or "Oh my God she is turning 9 this year???" Let's face it, the older we get the faster time seems to travel. We blink and we are 40. We fear what the next blink will bring with it. Well, if that is the case, what are we to take from that? What would someone who is consciously and intentionally trying to design a life of fulfillment, purpose and meaning take from the fact that time is moving very quickly? Here's what I think we have to take from it:

1) "Someday" is right now.

"Someday" is a killer. It kills dreams, hopes, experiences, relationships, businesses, and health. Take a moment to think about the things you put on "someday" in your youth that you now feel you are unable to do. . . . ever. You are lying to yourself if you think the things you are saying "someday" about now are any different.

2) Ultimately, the measure of your happiness and fulfillment is going to be how much of that time you spend doing what you love, and being with who you love.

Write down 5 things you absolutely love doing or would love to do. Now write a separate list of 5 things you believe you "have to do" but really don't "want to do". Take an hour. 60 minutes. Now imagine that one hour, spent three different ways, doing the things on each of your lists. So there are three options:

A) You spend 15 minutes doing the things on the "passion list" and 45 minutes on the "have to" list.

B) You spend 30 minutes doing the things on the "passion list" and 30 minutes on the "have to list".

C) You spend 45 minutes doing things on the "passion list" and 15 minutes on the "have to" list.

Well, which hour is best? It seems so logical and so simple that a fulfilling life is getting yourself to spend more time doing what you love. Yet, for the vast majority of people in this fast moving time in history, they are spending almost NO TIME in passions. Their entire life is living off of the "have to" list. That is a very dangerous place to live.

So here in part I we are defining the elements of fulfilling life. In summary they involve a few components:

1) The element of time

2) The element of passion

3) The element of obligation or "have to"


I don't live in fantasy land. I am well aware that you can't shirk off your "have to's". I hear thousands of collective "gremlins" shouting "but Joe, you don't know how much I have to do!!"

Yes. I do.

But you ask yourself honestly - If you continue to completely ignore your passions and loves in life just to meet your "to do list" will you look back on your life as one you were happy with? I am not asking you to disregard your children or stop paying your bills mind you. In fact, I'd like to think your children might just become one of the "passions" in your life and you may get to the point where you "pay your bills" with money you make from working in your passions!! THAT is the equation that makes a fulfilling and vibrant life.

Slowly, but surely, with a proper approach, you will fill your life minute by minute with passions. Your life will begin to revolve around what and who you love and there will become the moment of perfection - the point of intersection - the point that all truly fullfilling lives reach ultimately when YOUR "HAVE TO LIST" AND YOUR "PASSION LIST" ARE THE SAME!! At that intersection of obligation and passion is where the best hour in our example would be. A complete hour of passion. Extended out metaphorically, a complete life filled with passion. That is where we want to be. See that in your mind. Get that image. Its where you want to go. Feel what that would be like for a moment. Get the emotion that is going to drive you toward this vision. That is an unbelievable feeling isn't it? You get up every day when you choose to. You do what you want to do when you want to do it. Even at "work" you are doing something you would do for free. That's a fulfilling life. In future part of this series I will work on the details of how to get to this place. Until then, hold your focus on this vision of passion in your life from when you wake up to when you go to sleep.

"The ancestor to every action is a thought" - Ralph Waldo Emerson